"Do you think it's over?" I asked my friend. Since the email I sent him regarding my suggestion to be friends because I felt I was putting extreme pressure on him constantly asking when he'll see me next, I have yet to receive a reply from him either through text, email, or a call. My friend congratulated me.
I have been working to figure out this man since the first fight we had which was last year around this same time. He was in Seattle at the time when I asked him, "My friend told me that you represented my teacher and lost the case. I thought you told me that you have never lost a case?" I was naive and did not consider the consequence of this question. He took it as an attack on his character. He told me that it was actually his ex-girl friend Chantal Desloges who was representing my teacher and he didn't receive payment. This the first warning I received from another friend, "Whatever you do, do not date this guy. He is a liar and a douche." What were the chances of such coincidence that I get this message so early on! I guess there are not a lot of Reverend Egyptian Lawyers walking around this planet. He further chided me saying that the only men who will jump into a relationship just like that generally are players or "fucking desperate." I did not see what the big deal was about praying for a better situation with his client. But then I do not know the full story.
So this was the first silent treatment I received from him. Panicking and emotionally distraught, I immediate went in search for comfort. I called a lady for a reading. If it wasn't for her, I would probably not have held on to this relationship in hope for so long. Her advice was to give him time and that he was not ready to talk about it. And that I did. I had to put my emotions in writing because it has always been therapeutic for me. I waited for his reply before I sent out this email expressing how I felt but decided to send it anyways while learning to accept both a loss of this relationship or a reconciliation.
I was extremely shocked to see that this man was like a two-sided coin. The love I experienced from him was a stark contrast to the coldness I received from him when I have upset him. He simply shuts down, his intonations lacked the warmth like night and day.
I believe some relationships are meant to heal past hurts and to learn lessons. Perhaps that was why I remained so attracted to him. I needed to be free from the chains of men, not just any men but my partner, who can take my power away with a simple disapproval of me.
It happened again shortly after. I was conversing with a girl friend and confessed that he hasn't invited me over to his place yet. Her reaction was immediately, "He must be married or have someone! This is not right. You have to go see where he lives." After a year, he has not asked me to come over despite talking about inviting me over during the early stage of our relationship. His recent excuse was that it was for my protection and you never know if he was hiding refugees there or something.
Again naively I told my boy friend, "my girl friend thinks you are married or have someone because you haven't invited me over yet." And again the light switch went off and I heard nothing from him for days. He told me once this was how his mother punished him, with the silent treatment. However, I felt I was being punished by other people's opinions of him by association!
I was very happy that he took me to Geneva. I was listed as a guest at the UN conference I later verified when I googled both our names. He told me that they couldn't find my name on the list. So I ended up enjoying the city of Geneva alone with a bus pass he had given me. We had an amazing time! What took me off guard was that upon returning to Toronto, I tried to snuggle up to him at the luggage waiting area. He immediately pushed me away with force and told me that he was not comfortable with that. This really prompted me to further investigate.
I called my police friend and told him my situation that I am in a relationship with a man for almost half a year that I hardly see, who lives in Toronto, and I still do not know where he lives. He also immediately told me to break it off because my friend has been part of SWAT and he studied and have much experience with criminal minds and what this man is doing is not normal. He told me, "If I had a girl friend, she is free to come over whenever she wants to." Another friend a private investigator suggested that if I even considered to hire a PI, the relationship is not worth it. My Ethiopian friend who does muscle testing and asking the universe for answers called me up and told me that most likely my boy friend has like 7 women he is seeing and one that is backing him up financially. At the time I couldn't understand all this negativity coming from my side of friends.
I wondered if he really loved me, because how could he be able to be away from me for so long, not show me his place, not introduce me to his friends, not take me to more outings, etc. Now, I was on a mission. I really needed to know. So I called a friend for a recommended psychic.
I showed her his picture and told her that he was Majed El Shafie, an Egyptian human rights activist and Reverend. I was hoping she had good news for me. She refused to touch his picture because she saw so much darkness in him. She pointed out to me how I could tell if a person is good or not. The picture I have taken on my brother's camera that I printed out showed a very dark shadow. I was skeptical. The way his hairline is appear like he has horns (like the devil). His smile is that of contempt and not sincerity. She suggested I watch for consistency in behaviour and looking back now, he promised me many things and haven't delivered.
She was surprised that I was the third woman to come see her regarding Majed. I asked her why? She thought maybe it was her duty to warn women to stay away from him. I said, "How could that be? He told me he has only been with 3 woman in Toronto: a lawyer, a doctor, and a movie producer. He had a love in Egypt, but that is all." How can it possibly be that I came to see the same psychic that two other woman before me did of all of Toronto? She kept referring him not to Majed but to Fouad and she wasn't sure why. I had a theory that perhaps he must have been possessed by Earth-bound spirits or dark souls. She also warned me to leave him quietly and not to let evil know that you are on to them.
I protested saying that, "but he is a reverend and a human rights activist! I saw him feel guilty not buying more alcohol through me at the duty-free shop and he even told me his lawyer friends always made fun of him for that." Her reply to that was, "yes, he obeys the little laws, but breaks the big ones. Whatever he is doing is not good for Canada and eventually his organization will be exposed for what it is in time." She told me that the story he told about torture is not true. I told her I saw the scars and I asked her what will be of him. She told me he actually has a defect in his heart that upon closer inspection the doctors could detect it and that he would simply disappear.
Of course I cried and hoped that all she said wasn't true. But I couldn't leave him.
Days later, my friend noticing how distressed I was asked me to call his channelling friend. She told me, "Do you love this man?" I affirmed. She continued, "Alright, he is very unsure about himself. He doesn't respect women and has trust issues. He'll never reveal himself yet tries to show the world that he is very genuine and good. He likes you a lot but doesn't really truly know himself." The other psychic told me that he cannot love and my other friend told me that he was my archenemy. "You surround yourself with people who look trustworthy yet do not trust. What is it in you that you do not trust? Love is to love you. Trust that the universe is bringing you all that you need. Love your fear and love yourself," was how she concluded.
My natural inking was that maybe I can help him. He's not so evil as the other psychic has put it. I felt a little better but was still upset about his non-respect for women. I thought that his mother was his hero, he talked so highly of her and how she taught him to respect women and take care of them.
My friend from my creative writing class reintroduced me to Master Sha. I was blessed to have a personal greeting with him. I don't know what happened but I started pouring out my struggles and how I wanted to be with my mostly unavailable boy friend. He asked 2 masters to give me a reading. First one responded, "I see a very tender relationship but no... this man is not the one for you. He is very dedicated in his work and you will not be happy" The other master confirmed the same result. Since it was February, they were giving a special on finding your true love blessing and I asked the first master, "can't I just ask for a relationship blessing or should I ask for the finding true love blessing?" She suggested the latter.
I couldn't stop crying the whole night and continued to cry non-stop to the point my lungs were hurting me. I told my boy friend, despite him being upset, he did not give me the silent treatment, instead he gave me hope telling me that he'll prove the monk wrong.
I reconnected with my old mentor who asked an old Egyptian man about Majed. He told him that his organization is being funded by the Israeli government and so he is the mouthpiece for them. That he had a relationship with a girl in Turkey. That his family disowned him for a different reason than the one he tells the world. Even there were rumours that he was also gay, "and I guess that is probably not true because he is with you," my teacher commented. He then yelled at me for allowing someone to come see me once a month only to fuck me and leave. I argued that he had no more time to give me because he is out there saving the world. My crazy hopeful mind wanted to believe that Majed is all that he said he is.
